The Dream

It was a gathering, a meeting of sorts. We were inside the living room of a house - the setting very much like the living room of my family house. I was seated in the dining section, chair half-turned to a position which enabled me to see the only access door as well as other people the room seated in the reception area - people, whose identites, I coud not make out. Somehow, I felt like I was not meant to be a part of the group; that I was a mere observer, on the outside looking in.
You walked in carrying a tray, probably to serve something to the people gathered around. What was on the tray, I cannot tell. What followed is the mystery. Some guy stopped you right after you stepped in and you exchanged pleasantries. Apparently you were both well acquainted. Then you shared a hug and he made an attempt to kiss you, I thought I saw you try to resisting... at this point, things were a bit fuzzy.

Enter the next frame and you were on your back on a sofa, he was on top of you grappling, still struggling, it seemed, to get that kiss. There was nobody else in the room but me, yet somehow it felt like I was not actually there. I was still seated, frozen, stuck in a trance staring at it all; didn't move, couldn't even breathe. Then some obstacle got into my line of sight and blocked my view off completely, so I couldn't see anymore. I looked up and was staring into the face of your brother. By the time I got a clear view again, you were back on your feet, the tray you were carrying was nowhere, nothing was spilled, destroyed or out of place. You were in tears, yelling at the guy while pointing in what I thought to be my direction and saying, "my boyfriend is over there…"
Then you stormed out sobbing, the guy was there for a couple of seconds addressing the other unidentified, still entities in the room, as though in defense. "But she wanted it...", is all I could hear. Then he went out the door too. At this point, I snapped out of whatever vise that had held me and went after him, you, the both of you... I am not sure. I turned the corner by the side of the house, you were not there but he was. Curiously, my elder brother and two close friends I could identify (even in the dream), were seated in a car outside. Calmly, I approached the fella, extended my hand to him which he took and while still locked in the shake, I said to him, "abeg free her, na my girl..." I cannot tell if replied or not, I did not hear any but he left me standing there, rounded the corner and entered a car. Again another grey spot; it was unclear if he entered a different car or sat at the back seat of the one my brother and pals were in, but what was clear was he did not leave that vicinity immediately. All this while, you were still nowhere in sight. So, I signaled my bro and pals, they came and I narrated to them all that had transpired. It seemed I was very bitter about the whole incident despite my calm disposition while confronting the guy because apparently I suggested that we; myself, bro and pals gang-up and accost the guy again. My brother seemed to be in opposition, because he said, "I dey see two of dem since. Dem dey go up and down here na..."
At this point, I woke up.

The Birthday Message...

It was just past midnight and I'd been roused by the alarm on my mobile phone. I didn't need to read the notice on the reminder; it had been there for years. Even when the phone type and model changed, neither the date nor alarm tone was altered. So also the overwhelming mixed feelings that accompany the chimes.

Once upon a time, this used to be a very special day... and it still is; but now in a vaguer, indistinguishable sense which is neither here nor there and yet, somehow, here and then. 
Sweet memories still linger aplenty but then, so are sadder ones, way fresher and glistening clear like waters of a natural spring.
Though we are hardly on friendly terms anymore, I still had to send her the customary message. Old habits die hard and when they become tradition, even harder. So I opened up a new text message page and stared at it without seeing anything. My brain worked away ceaselessly, churning out words that ended on the tips of fingers which were just frozen on the tiny keypad.

My heart wanted the message to echo the wail I'd held inside for so long. She so dearly wanted for me to let her speak; perhaps I would once again reach out to those depths you had said no one had ever come close to until I broke down those walls with a Rose, a Kiss and three words. She wanted you to see my tears in the words. To see a man; mere mortal… frail, fallible but in love!
But my head would have none of it!
He delved deep into the annals of my memory banks for hard proof. Replaying incidents, scenarios from the past, dissecting every detail with the aloof precision of a practiced surgeon. Step by step; applying the laws of logic, “analytics” and reasoning to will that “sentimental cloud” which was slowing creeping up my pectus.

In the end, with these marauding thoughts still brothing inside, my shaky fingers, off their own accord, somehow managed to print out a curt, terse, unrevealing "happy birthday" on the screen and hit "send"!

Love strikes again...

It is said to be a proven fact that lightening doesn't strike twice in the same place...but what if 'place' was a person and 'lightening', heartbreak; surely it can strike as many times as possible any given where. Love has struck again and I find myself on the wrong end of the blow.

So again, it is the same sad story. Again, it is explicable but yet defies logic...again question marks all round me...again!This time its eerie, sometimes even bordering on the edges of comic...but I can't laugh, instead a 'hard' tear rolls down my cheek.
Besides the barest hints of regret, its just numbness...nothing but a vast empty hollow with the words echoing up and down, caught in pendulum of never ending reverberation. There is no inquest this time...there is no need for one; my hands are not soiled but they are just not deemed firm enough - it's my gift, also my curse - innocence unbelievably sincere that can only be seen as guilt in disguise!

For what it is worth, I still live to love another day...so, with this new scar and fresh purple heart, I trudge on in good faith, praying that tomorrow holds better for me and you!

My Dream Woman...

Over the years, I have carried around in my head, images and descriptions of the features I desire in my ‘dream woman’ - the woman I would meet, fall in love and ultimately spend the rest of what’s left of my entire life with. Height, shape, skin tone, color, texture, gait, voice, smile, tribe, intellect level et al
With some luck, I have been opportune to meet quite a number of ladies who, more or less, fit the bill but somehow it just never worked out as I envisioned and most times, I wound up hurt, depressed, angry, frustrated…the sole inquisitor motivated by grief after the relationship is canned and everybody else has walked away.
Whether it was inexperience, immaturity, innocent ignorance and (or) just plain stupidity, I am sure I will someday be able to tell; but now, it has brought me to the realization that all the while, in all those years, I didn’t have an inkling of who I was as an individual, what I really wanted from my ‘dream woman’ and the ‘perfect’ relationship I craved. Now I know!
My ‘dream woman’ as I see her now doesn’t have any discernible features; face, figure, color, demeanor or bearing. She doesn’t speak any particular language or originate from any identifiable tribe, race or social class. I have no idea if she is literate, disabled or sane. She is no angel or demon and has no behavior, mannerisms or norms – good, bad or ugly. She is just ‘she’ – a woman like every other, yet her own!
My ‘dream woman’ understands and loves me for who I am; and is not afraid or ashamed to tell it to me or anyone else who cares to know. She is patient enough to wait for me, wise enough to give me room, strong enough to stand by and with me through thick and thin, independent enough to live when am not there, yet bold enough to walk away if it will save our lives, preserve our sanity…and I think I’ve finally found that ‘dream woman’ in you!