First taste of a heartbreak...

It happened shortly before the end of my industrial attachment (I.T) year in 2001. I was working with the Info Tech unit of one of the major O&G marketing firms on Marina, Lagos Island - not that I knew or cared then how massive the company was,I was more intent on getting the year done and dusted off my records. The shock of being thrust straight into the 'working class' terrain from academics without so much of a warning was so immense, that every working day morning was like a new daze from a Mike Tyson pummel. Plus the hoarders paid less than peanuts, yet worked me off more than they did their regulars...I did practically all the 'personal jobs' for the department added to the 'normal official' work - very infuriating!

Amidst this mist, I met her - a very welcome twist in what was becoming quite a dishearteningly, uncomfortable period in my life at the time. How we met and hit it off, is still very much a mystery to me. I thought the chemistry was excitingly spontaneous and mutual - or was it just my imagination, it all seemed relatively crystal clear but now, given the events that transpired and how much water's gone under the bridge, I just can't say for sure.
All I can recall now is the thrill I felt back then. An elation that stemmed from the mere thought that, after several botched attempts, at last, some dame considered me worthy of attention - yes, I was that pathetic!
I cannot specifically remember words or actions but when I saw her walking down the neighboring street one evening while returning from the drudgery some people chose to call a job and a certain warmth spread through me, I just knew I had found a cause worthy of chase. Even though I could only see her outline in the distance, I had a very strong conviction - I wanted nothing more than to know this stranger, simple passing acquaintance or more. The assured elegance of her walk, the poise, posture, the tall dark imposing figure caught my eye and held me en-tranced till I could envision nothing else. I changed course and followed her for a bit without even knowing I had, its like my feet just developed their own mind. I got close but never could quite build up the nerve for an approach - yes again, I was that pathetic!
In the ensuing days, I snooped around got some of background info from pals in the hood; you know, the basics... name, address, school, her routine movements and any other snippet of info that would generally help my cause. For a couple of weeks, I tried without much success to keep tabs on her. In fact, I had made it a point to alight from the bus five bus stops from my regular terminus and walk all the way down, passing in front of her house just to see if I could make any contact. I also planned all my trips to, one way or another, to include the road that was directly in front of her house, not caring if it made it any harder for me than it should otherwise have been.
Then fortune laughed (smiled would be a gross understatement) on me. I was walking back home through her street from work earlier than usual and there she was, within my touching distance literally, buying kerosene at the provision stall close to her house; even though I hadn't planned or readied myself, I took the chance, mustered all the courage I could find and walked up to her there and then. Whatever it was that transpired between us there is as blurry as a foggy day. The only thing I can only just about vaguely recall my not so assured "hi" and hers in response. It was like a dream, we spoke for a long while (almost too long for a first meeting of two strangers I thought) and for total strangers, such first contact which is usually as awkward as can be, went smoother than I'd have ever thought possible; or then again, was it just my imagination!? Could be - because if it was all so memorable, why is that I cannot remember a third of what was said...!!?
Later on, I got to discover that we had in common, a rather loose form of associative friendship - a close friend of mine happened to be dating a very close friend of a close friend of hers...which I made a point to bring to her notice the next time we met and sure enough that did the trick. She did some background check on me too and off course, her friend only had nice things to say about me - even though she'd never set eyes on me before!

So we got together...everybody gaped, gawked and gushed about the symmetry, said we looked absolutely fantastic together...."the dream couple" - and we were very much alike in many respects, liked quite a lot of the same things and kept to ourselves more often than not, didn't let too much external influence into our affairs, which was just perfect for me. It wasn't all rosy though, there was the odd disagreement. I am always accused of being overly 'un-expressive', not saying much and 'hoarding' stuffs. She, on her part...well, lets just say when she wasn't interested in listening to a particular subject matter, she was frustrating to live with and she wasn't particularly overly expressive herself, not that she'd have ever concurred with this. But in the end, somehow we usually found some kind of common ground to stand on. In truth, now that I think of it, there was a certain air of naiveness about us, uncertainty and lack of direction about the whole affair...regardless, it felt good while it lasted just being the cynosure and envy of all eyes for a while - 'model couple', talk of the hood - it was quite fabulous feeling that!

Then out of the blue, it all came crashing down. I noticed she was pulling away. The walks and 'hanging outs' were lessened by the day without warning. Invitation to Friday evening browsing at the neighborhood Internet Cafe wasn't automatic anymore. The love notes and occasional greeting cards all but ceased, gifts were being outrightly refused, none given in return and I am certain the myriad of love poems typed and printed out in fancifully crafted, expensive paper somehow found their way to the rubbish bin. She was no longer standing there at her gate with a welcoming smile in the evenings as I strolled by after work. I couldn't explain it and I darn couldn't well handle it...I was particularly armored for this.
After a couple of weeks of pressing and cajoling (maybe I should have kept my mouth shut), she dropped the bombshell on me....just like that it was over!
I was stunned, completely shell-shocked. For days, I walked around somber, sick and utterly downcast...practically dead to the world. The emotions came in an uncontrollable rush of cycles - dread, despair, defiance, desperation, denial, dejection... needless to say, it was too hard to handle for my poor, young, green soul.
Thereon began the most humiliating two months of my entire existence - till date I haven't had any other embarrassing moments that rival these. For sixty days, give or take a few, I was practically on my knees groveling for her attention; begging like a sissy - a whole month for her to re-consider and take me back and the other, for the reason why she wanted to end it. I vividly recall (amazing how the unsavory bit is that which is most recounted without blemish) standing at the crowded bus-stop beside the market on a Thursday morning trying to get her to speak to me, at least give some form of explanation to quell the raging pain in my heart. About a hundred pair of eyes and God knows how many other hundreds of ears were trained on my pathetic figure as I pitifully whined away to a brick wall as she just bluntly ignored me. Gosh, in that instant if the ground had opened up the gates of hell, I'd have gleefully drown in the depths. I never got a whiff from her....she never told why and probably never will, not that I care to know anymore, but still, I am sure it would give some measure of relief or pleasure or whatever, if I knew something.
To make matters worse, this all coincided with the time I was rounding off work to return to school. There was an industrial action which delayed my return to school after getting my termination letter from work, so I had too much time on my hand and nothing to do with it. Which made my misery all the more visible. I couldn't push her thoughts out of my head. At times I would just go find a spot to hang close to her house to see if I can just catch a glimpse of her...oh yes, I was that pathetic! Just about everyone and everything seemed to be conspiring against me.
Oddly enough, she seemed to be feeding off my demise - every time I saw her she looked in better shape as I steadily degenerated into a shadow of myself.
From hero, I was zero...talk to laughing stock of the hood. I guess my friends thought that would be the best way to get me out of my gloom because I was constantly being chided over the whole debacle - but somehow, even though I felt somewhat betrayed initially, it did help.

I've since gotten over that whole episode; I don't shudder when I get to see her every now and again or hear her name or when somebody brings up the issue for laughs. In fact, I heartily join in the jape and have a good laugh; and it is refreshing too.
I even manage a weak smile and 'hello' occasionally when we cross paths these days but my unanswered questions still come back to haunt me sometimes!